Being Still.

Arriving in Ghana,

back on May 10th, 2012,

seems like years ago.

The incredible ways I've been

broken, stretched, tried, restored,

loved, refreshed, and strengthened

by our Heavenly Father is astounding to me.

Recently, He's revealed more of His purpose 

in bringing me here to this beautiful country.

Many of you remember my first night here.

I fell apart.

I was homesick.

I felt trapped.

Discouraged.

Stuck.

Anxious.

and most of all…

I was fearful.

I was disappointed in myself.

I was discouraged at my fearfulness.

I felt like a failure.

All that time preparing.

Packing.

And spiritual preparation.

All of the encouraging words to and from

my friends and family about being

FEARLESS.

And what was the first thing I did upon arriving here?

I feared.

I did exactly what I didn't want to do.

But that's just the thing.

I was trying to be fearless without learning how to be.

I was trying to be fearless without God.

I was trying to be self-sufficient.

But now, I can see.

I can see how He broke me.

I was at my weakest.

And my weakness, 

directly highlighted my need for Him.

He stretched me,

by challenging me to trust Him.

By challenging me to just be still.

It's what He was saying this entire time,

even before I left for Africa.

"Be still my child.

For I Am good.

My Plans for you are good.

I love you with an all-encompassing love

that you can't fully understand.

My Perfect Love drives out fear.

And if you choose to trust Me.

You can be fearless."

So that's how I do it.

I tried to be fearless 

without fully understanding HOW to

do it.

And now that I finally decided to 

stop and listen,

everything fell into perfect peace.

rather than pieces.

I've now spent a good portion

of the past 3 weeks,

calming my mind.

Focusing on being still

and allowing God to be God.

I've stopped striving,

and trying to find the lesson in everything.

I exhausted myself trying to figure God out.

When in reality, the whole time,

He just wanted me to allow Him to BE God.

And in doing this,

I've learned of His love for me.

I mean,

I knew God loved me before.

But coming to Africa,

He's revealed to me how MUCH He loves me.

It's overwhelming.

It makes me feel on top of the world,

like I'm the most important person ever.

Like I'm a cherished treasure

and nothing could ever bring me down again.

It makes me want to break down and cry tears of joy,

then worship and sing until my lungs give out.

My joy is overflowing and I'm at a loss what to do with it all!

He's also taught me HOW to spend time with Him.

I don't aways need a daily devotional.

I don't always need a scripture to meditate on.

And most of all,

I don't always need to come away from spending time with Him,

having taught MYSELF something new about Him.

Jesus just wants to be WITH me.

I now know how to BE with Him, too.

I can go out on my stone covered balcony outside

my room of the Courtyard S.J. Guesthouse in Ghana, West Africa

and commune with the Savior of the world.

Without an agenda

and without expectation.

I am now not oblivious.

I can sit on the ground and BE.

I can close my eyes and feel His embrace in the wind.

It corresponds with my every thought.

And with each breeze, a new whisper

from my Jesus passes through my ears.

And nestles its permanent home in the depths of my heart.

His whispers of His love for me!

I can feel the incredible amount of love He has for me

through the warmth of the sun.

It's moving rays, send an indescribable feeling of 

peace through my bones and my veins

saying, "My Grace is sufficient for you."

And it truly is.

My grace isn't sufficient for even half of me.

First He broke me.

Then He stretched me.

Then He taught me not to find comfort

in worldly things like I may do at home.

He brought me to the other side of the world,

stripped me of all familiarity to then learn how 

to be solely dependent on Him.

And most of all,

I am overwhelmingly thankful

that He is the type of God

that loved me through my stubbornness.

And that He loves me anyways.