Confessions of Fear and Doubt.

So, I'm going to Africa.

This is big.

The only thing that remains negative

in my joyful, thankful, and

overwhelmingly excited mind

is fear.

For the first time

since the chaos of the

application process,

passport photos,

video phone interviews

and acceptance packets,

I felt fear.

What if I couldn't get fully funded?

I've never been out of this country!

What if I can't handle being in Africa?

And worst of all,

there is a risk with flying to the other side

of the world and staying for two months,

what if I didn't come home?

Given that my heart, mind,

and spirit are in full agreement

that God has called me here and now,

you would think my heart, mind,

and spirit would be at peace.

And I am, in the craziest way.

It feels like chaos, but somehow there's peace.

But I am human.

And although God's peace

blankets all fear,

it lingers in the back of my mind.

We are all scared of the unknown.

We are all scared of change.

Yet it is inevitable.

I've realized that Satan is trying

to discourage me.

And by discouragement,

I will stop trusting.

And if I stop trusting,

I'll stop moving.

I WILL be fully funded.

I WILL go to Africa.

I WILL fulfill His purpose,

and I WILL trust Him

when I feel afraid.

And if I knew full well

that I wouldn't return from this trip,

that after going to Africa,

my purpose in life was fulfilled

it was time to meet my Maker,

and I never came back,

I have to ask my self,

would I still go?

Absolutely.

Without a doubt.

Do I really think I

could create a BETTER purpose

for myself by NOT going?

Where You go, I'll go,

Where You stay, I'll stay,

When You move, I'll move,

I will follow You.

How You serve, I'll serve,

Who You love, I'll love,

IF THIS LIFE I LOSE,

I will follow You.

Those aren't just words to me,

they are everything I live for.

I've Been Accepted.

I was accepted to go to Africa!!!!!!!!

I couldn't believe it.

Praise God,

all glory to His name.

There is NO greater feeling

than the one that comes with

KNOWING you are in God's will.

And KNOWING that you will be taken care of

because He has orchestrated it.

And because He loves you.

ali's Corner. [My Heart is in Ghana, Africa]

As I was leaving school

last Thursday evening,

I passed by the cluttered

bulletin board

hanging in our hallway.

Amongst all of the fliers,

photographs and crumbled

pieces of notebook paper,

a particular black and white

photograph caught my eye.

It was the front of the

Sign Of Hope International

volunteer application form

for their trip to Africa in Spring 2012.

They raise money to build Deaf schools

in Ghana, West Africa for children who would

have no chance at an education otherwise.

Then, go into the school and teach Deaf children ASL

as well as motivate the teachers to teach.

I held that paper in my hands

and something happened to me.

I just wanted to hold the paper,

to read it over and over.

I needed to know more information.

The next day,

I visited their website:

www.signsofhopeinternational.org .

Under the "What We Do" page,

the second to last paragraph reads:

"Signs of Hope International created our volunteer program. Under our direction, volunteers skilled in the use of American Sign Language (ASL) spend two months in Ghana assisting and motivating both students and teachers."

My heart sank.

Tears welled up in my eyes

and I could feel a knot in my throat.

I stopped reading.

I bowed my head and prayed.

I told God that I felt

His calling.

I told Him that if it was Him,

that my answer was "yes."

The trip is this coming Spring,

with the application due in two weeks

along with other requirements.

I told Him that it seemed insane.

I needed to know that He wanted me to go.

A sign?

Another person to come with me?

A push?

I trusted Him.

And if I am to go,

then I will.

After Amen,

I watched a video about

the organization.

I got to see the happy Deaf kids,

using ASL and I also got to see

the uneducated deaf kids

who did not yet have a language.

They need me.

They need me to go into the Deaf schools

and teach.

I was born to teach.

And quite frankly,

I think I need them.

In my life,

I've seen so many videos

portraying African children,

encouraging people to give

and donate and volunteer.

My heart hurts for them.

But for the Deaf children

of Ghana, West Africa in

this 15 minutes video...

my heart broke for them.

I covered my mouth and wept.

Halfway through the video,

my phone lit up with a text

from my classmate saying,

"I'm signing up, do it with me."

For the past couple of days,

we've shared phone conversations,

texts, and messages, sharing our similar

feelings about the trip.

"It just feels right."

"I need to do this."

I'm still asking God for His confirmation.

As soon as He moves

I will move.

Otherwise,

what's the point of standing in church singing

"Where you go, I'll go.

Where you stay, I'll stay.

When you move, I'll move.

I will follow you.

Who You love, I'll love.

How You serve, I'll serve.

If this life I lose,

I will follow You."

In fact, if that is not the call of my heart

and the direct action I intend on taking

what's the point

in calling myself a Christian at all?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jsDFCwmaQnY