Confessions of Fear and Doubt.

So, I'm going to Africa.

This is big.

The only thing that remains negative

in my joyful, thankful, and

overwhelmingly excited mind

is fear.

For the first time

since the chaos of the

application process,

passport photos,

video phone interviews

and acceptance packets,

I felt fear.

What if I couldn't get fully funded?

I've never been out of this country!

What if I can't handle being in Africa?

And worst of all,

there is a risk with flying to the other side

of the world and staying for two months,

what if I didn't come home?

Given that my heart, mind,

and spirit are in full agreement

that God has called me here and now,

you would think my heart, mind,

and spirit would be at peace.

And I am, in the craziest way.

It feels like chaos, but somehow there's peace.

But I am human.

And although God's peace

blankets all fear,

it lingers in the back of my mind.

We are all scared of the unknown.

We are all scared of change.

Yet it is inevitable.

I've realized that Satan is trying

to discourage me.

And by discouragement,

I will stop trusting.

And if I stop trusting,

I'll stop moving.

I WILL be fully funded.

I WILL go to Africa.

I WILL fulfill His purpose,

and I WILL trust Him

when I feel afraid.

And if I knew full well

that I wouldn't return from this trip,

that after going to Africa,

my purpose in life was fulfilled

it was time to meet my Maker,

and I never came back,

I have to ask my self,

would I still go?

Absolutely.

Without a doubt.

Do I really think I

could create a BETTER purpose

for myself by NOT going?

Where You go, I'll go,

Where You stay, I'll stay,

When You move, I'll move,

I will follow You.

How You serve, I'll serve,

Who You love, I'll love,

IF THIS LIFE I LOSE,

I will follow You.

Those aren't just words to me,

they are everything I live for.