Reality Checkpoint.

I am both humbled and completely encouraged
by the amount of supportive and loving people
I am blessed and surrounded with.

They believe in me.
And trust my spiritual walk with God.
There is great encouragement in that.

Tonight I was surrounded by twenty
members of my friends and family,
in a circle, holding hands,
to pray for me and with me.

I could feel God's love for me
through their words.
I was encouraged by their
requests that they so delicately
laid at His feet.

I wasn't planning on praying at
my own prayer circle,
but God tapped and so I started talking.

I told Him that I felt so weak.
That looking back to who I used to be,
I was never bold or fearless.
Until He changed my heart.
He's transformed me from a weak little girl,
to a lamb with a lion inside of me desperately
wanting to serve His kingdom.

I got about as far as the word "weak."
When my composure failed me.
I'm not a crier.
But oddly enough, I've become one.
I lost it, in front of all of my closest friends
and dearest family.

And I liked it.

This past week has been a roller coaster
of emotions.
Good things happening in our neighborhood,
hopefully some Christian leadership from my family.
Africa is slowly getting closer.
And a completely sold-out, wonderful Christian
man who is on fire for Jesus has stepped out as a
potential harmony for my song.

But also,
Grandma is in hospice and given 3-5 days
to live.
She knows Jesus and is ready to go home,
but it's still difficult to think of her as gone.

More things have happened in the past couple of weeks,
than normally happen in an entire year.
My emotions have been stretched nearly to their limit.
All the while, my body has gone into "surreal" mode,
making it difficult to truly detach my heart from home
enough to be excited to leave for Ghana as I have been
from the very start.

I've noticed myself responding to situations
much differently than I normally would.
I'm more emotional, serious, irritable,
giggly, fearful, or bold!
It's like I've completely let my emotions go
into some sort of ferris wheel of randomness.

All this not to say that I'm "struggling,"
but rather, it's obvious that since I am on mission with God,
Satan is also at work.

He will find every way possible to try
and corrupt my focus, my mission and my passion
I have for Christ.

And oddly enough,
I find peace in that.

Nothing is stronger or greater than my God.
He is FOR me NOT against me.
And because of this,
I will fear no evil.
For He is with me.

He WILL defeat.
He HAS overcome.
And His mission WILL be fulfilled
through my purpose and my passion.

All of the struggles, frets, and fears
are just bumps along the road
trying to be mountains,
yet my life is being driven by
the God of the universe,
who created this road in the first place.